What to Talk About at Holiday Parties
This is for the anxious people out there. I hear you, and hopefully this will help.
Holiday parties are a different kind of social experiment. There’s a lot happening at once: wanting to make a good impression, wanting to genuinely connect, and also wanting to just… not be awkward.
And yes - the pressure is real. That feeling you have isn’t you being dramatic. It’s called impression management. Your brain is trying to protect your professional future while you’re holding a drink that stains. But you can get through this without panicking, oversharing, or trauma-dumping your therapist’s unpublished notes onto the VP of Operations.
The goal here is simply to feel comfortable enough to show up as a human being. And you can absolutely do that.
This is a gentle, practical guide to help make the whole thing easier from before you walk in, to when you decide you’ve mingled enough and deserve to go home.
Step One: Give Your Brain a Mission
Anxiety thrives in uncertainty. So remove the uncertainty. Before you enter:
• Set a simple intention. “I’m staying one hour and talking to three people.” Boom. Anxiety lowered.
• Prepare 2–3 questions. And get your own answers ready too because whatever you ask will often come right back to you. For example, if someone asks about your holiday plans and you don’t have anything exciting lined up, you can keep it simple: “I’m looking forward to some quiet time and catching up on rest.” Or you can use it as a chance to gently shift the conversation: “I’m actually planning to binge-watch Avatar: The Last Airbender - anything you’ve been watching lately that’s good?” A cozy plan is still a plan, and a smooth redirect keeps the conversation moving without any pressure.
• Limit your drink (for real). Alcohol does not turn you into a more charming person. It shuts down your executive function, which is the part of your brain that stops you from saying “So do you think you’ll stay here long-term?” to the person who owns the firm.
• Know your exit time. You’re allowed to leave before the conga line forms.
Step Two: Start Better Conversations
You don’t need to begin with “So… what’s new?” Everyone is tired and everything is the same. Try these instead:
• “What’s something unexpectedly good that happened this year?”
• “What shows or podcasts are you into right now?”
• “Any New Year’s resolutions you’re actually excited about?”
• “Who here are you hoping to bump into tonight?” This is a good question because it opens the door to meeting new people together. If they mention someone, you can keep an eye out and make introductions or they might introduce you to someone they know. It turns the conversation into a shared goal and makes navigating the room feel a lot less intimidating.
When you’re speaking with leadership, they’ll often kick things off by asking about you. After a brief answer, the key is to shift the conversation back to them. People like getting asked about their own path, and leaders especially appreciate when someone shows curiosity beyond titles.
Try:
• “How did you get into this field?”
• “What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?”
These questions invite storytelling. They help you learn something valuable, and they let the other person talk about something they know very well - themselves.
Pro trick Use “so…” to transition smoothly. It buys time and feels natural. “So… how did you get into cycling?”
Step Three: Read the Room (and Protect Your Reputation)
People constantly send subtle signals that help you know if they’re engaged or begging for escape. Useful decoding:
• Lean in = “Tell me more”
• Slow triple nod = “I like you, continue”
• Uh-huh, uh-huh/looking past you often = conversation mercy kill
• “Nice to see you” = insurance against forgetting you’ve met them 3 times already
If you feel your social battery dropping, ask for a short introduction: “Do you mind introducing me to someone you know? I promised myself I’d meet one new person.” That’s not awkward. That’s intentionality which is honestly the real power move at these events.
Step Four: Avoid the Anxiety-Driven Self-Sabotage Classics
The top five:
• Oversharing: When your mouth becomes the diary your therapist hasn’t seen yet
• Flirting: HR does not take December off
• Gossiping: No one forgets who said what after three Proseccos
• One-upping: If someone is telling a small win story, they’re not setting up a competition. You don’t need to counter with “Well, when I met Katy Perry at Costco…”
• Drugs or too many drinks: Being remembered is not the same as leaving a good impression
Dress like you still work there. Act like tomorrow exists.
Step Five: Close Like Someone Who Has Their Life Together
Before leaving, thank the organizer or your manager. Say a couple quick goodbyes and leave with quiet confidence. No disappearing into the night unless you truly arrived as a ghost.
And finally…
Holiday parties are hard. It’s okay that it feels weird. If you made one decent connection, that’s a win. Showing up is a win. Choosing not to panic when the Principal walks over - massive win!
And yes - you will definitely overthink things later. The thing you should have said, the person you forgot to talk to, or whether that third drink was a critical miscalculation. To that I say, I can’t help you there my friend. My expertise only goes as far as conversation and career confidence. Once you leave the office, I’m just as lost as you are.
